I Refuse to Let You Win This One

So the other day I had a great day, but that same day, I also heard some terrible news.  One of my good friends has cancer.  It doesn’t look good.

So here’s a little back story about my friend Marcia.  She and I have this running competition of sorts, on who has the suckier life.  I know, quite the competition, right?  Sometimes she wins, sometimes I win,  but most of the time we agree that if either one of us experiences another moment of insanity we’ll both crack.

Misery loves company, right?

When I was first going through my divorce, I would share everything and anything with everyone and anyone who would listen.  At first, everyone listened.  Eventually, though, people got tired of hearing about it.  (I honestly don’t blame them).  It soon got to a point where no one asked me “How are you?” or “How’s it going?” Because I could never honestly answer “okay.” And lets face it, that’s what most people really expect to hear when they ask that question.

So I stopped sharing.  And if people did ask, I would simply reply “Okay,” even if it wasn’t.

But Marcia has always been different.  She is one of the few people whom I still tell anything to these days, when I talk about the ongoing drama that is present in my life.  When she asks me “How’s it going?” I know I can be completely honest with her and she will not judge, she will not criticize, she will not refrain from giving her opinion, and most importantly, she will listen, even though she may not “get it.” And then she in turn updates me on her life, and we both shake our head, and laugh. Or cry, depending on the day. Sometimes, we do both.

So every time we are together she will tell me something followed by “now you have to promise me you will not tell this to anyone else,” and she adds that she knows that she can trust me to not say anything to anyone else.  I’ve never broken my promise, and I never will. Trust.  It’s amazing to have that in someone, and to be that someone who is trusted.

She didn’t tell me herself. Again, she didn’t want anyone to know. But the person she did tell and (swear to secrecy) broke her promise and told me anyways.  Which is how I found out.  I would be upset that she didn’t tell me but then again that seems kind of selfish of me. Besides, I know why she doesn’t want anyone to know. She doesn’t want anyone fussing over her. That’s how she is.

Regardless of who knows or doesn’t know, she has cancer, and it sucks.

This is one competition I do not want her to win. Not this time. Not ever. Not like this.






Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s