Like I mentioned in my post yesterday, I was really mad about work, of all things. What a waste of a day.
But I’m over it. Really. I did not go to work today. I slept in until noon and I intend to be in my pajamas all day.
I actually like my job, a lot. I’ve been at this particular place for over 6 years now and it feels like home to me. But that’s exactly the part that makes me dislike my job. I’m still working there.
Years ago I had gone to college straight out of high school, went two years, started dating my husband somewhere during that time, and then came to a crossroads of sorts. So I quit college and went to a vocational school, which got me a job that paid very little, relatively speaking. Then I got married and had children.
When daycare got too expensive, one of us had to quit and because I was the lower wage earner it made sense that it would be me. I was a stay at home mother for 6 years. Then I had a major cancer scare, which resulted in a plethora of medical bills. Suddenly I needed to go back to work.
For 3 years I worked third shift as a cashier at a grocery store. I slept in fragments, missed out on a lot of family events, and basically can’t remember much of those three years because I was in a deep fog from the lack of sleep and the depression that was amplified by that.
And the job I had? Paid for my medical bills, and also paid for my husband’s obsession with bowling tournaments. I hardly slept, he had fun.
(And he wondered why the house was a mess all the time.)
Which is why, among other reasons, I…
Then got a divorce, and moved to working day shifts. I got promoted to being a customer service manager, and was working pretty much every night and every weekend. So a year or so ago I transferred to the pharmacy, where I have better work hours, better pay, and feel like I am doing more “professional” work.
But I am still working at this place, and I hate it.
These are the specific reasons why I do not like my job:
- The pay sucks. It is not a “livable” wage.
- I wear a uniform. I just spent $40 on shoes yesterday to be in compliance with a “uniform code.”
- I’m just a peon; or maybe more appropriately a “pee-on.”
- At this particular place, I will never be able to advance further than the position I am already at.
- But most importantly, it is not my life’s work, and I know that.
Here’s a fact: Every job I have ever had in my life has fit the above description. I’m doing the exact same job I was doing when I was 22. That bugs me.
I have life experience. Lots of it. I doubt if I can legitimately add this to my resume, but in my mind, it counts. It counts because all of the above things that I just mentioned brought me exactly to the point that I am at today.
And everything that has happened to me in the past 20 years has helped me realize what I know I was born to do. I believe that this is true of everyone: we are all put on this earth for something. It’s up to us to figure out what that something is.
So while I am still working a job that I could have done and actually did 20 years ago, I know that this is not permanent, or my destiny.
Years ago when I was working at what I call my “technical” job (working as the scheduling coordinator for a medical clinic); my then boss once told me that I was way too “smart” for the job I was doing. Mind you, I was good at my job. But even she saw that I was capable of doing better, greater things. When I quit, she told me the door would always be open for my return. But I know she hoped that I would never walk through that door again (in the most sincerest of ways, of course).
I never walked back through that door. After my divorce when I was contemplating what to do, I thought about going back and talking to her about getting a job there again. I decided instead to go to college so I could eventually do something I actually wanted to do for a change.
She was right. I know I am capable of greater, better things in my life.